Sooner or later it's there I will go.

Any joy is everywhere; it is in the earth's green covering of grass; in the blue serenity of the sky; in the reckless exuberance of spring; in the severe abstinence of grey winter; in the living flesh that animates our bodily frame; in the perfect poise of the human figure, noble and upright; in living; in the exercise of all our powers; in the acquisition of knowledge; in fighting evils; in dying for gains we never can share. Joy is there everywhere; it is superfluous, unnecessary; nay, it very often contradicts the most peremptory behests of necessity. It exists to show that the bonds of law can only be explained by love; they are like body and soul. Joy is the realisation of the truth of oneness, the oneness of our soul with the world and of the world-soul with the supreme lover.

- Rabindranath Tagore (recent obsession. so brilliant.)

i can keep rhythm with no metronome.

My friend Chris (aforementioned as Sunglass Virtuoso), took this picture when he was visiting this past weekend. I am mostly impressed by it because he was standing less than a foot from me when he took it. Wide angle lens, baby. He takes some really, really legit photographs. So jealous. Always a skill I wish I had acquired. I do not like that this picture makes me look like a slave to technology. But at least, Lent has made me less of one. And for that I'm grateful!

Choose to do things that help people come together.

"Don't let mistakes be so monumental

and don't let your love be so confidential

and don't let your mind be so darn judgmental

and please let your heart be more influential."

I don't know how Michael Franti consistently sings my thoughts.

We are strong and brave and innocent and unafraid.

Things I'm afraid of on a daily basis:

1. Thinking that my headphones are plugged into my computer when they are not, thus exposing all inhabitants of the surrounding area to whatever horribly embarrassing music I am jamming out to.

2. Having awkward run-ins with people around campus- hence, my tendency to sometimes hide when I see people I know.

3. Driving in the dark.

4. Forgetting what time my classes happen ( this actually did happen to me earlier in the semester. note for future reference: global ethics happens at 2, not 2:30 )

5. Being yelled at by one of my roommates ( this doesn't frequently happen, but I am super paranoid about it. big shout of gratitude to angry roommates of yesteryear )

6. Situations where people are tense/angry/militant/argumentative. I am not sure why this stresses me out so much, but it is literally difficult for me to breathe when people get upset.

7. Spending my whole break between classes making arbitrary lists to post in my arbitrary blog when I should be writing my paper for bioethics. Right.

I just came by to show you my zoot suit.

Ruminations on this picture:

1. These sunglasses are badass. My friend Chris, who works at Vans, got them for me because I have been hounding him for free sunglasses for close to a year now. He surpassed my expectations with not only this smokin hot pair but another (not pictured) pair of black plastic ray bans style shades. Not real ray bans, because I am frugal, and also because breaking sunglasses is one of my favorite pastimes.

2. Please note my trendy scarf/button down/sweater/awesome shades combo. I am inching closer to that ever-elusive goal of being cool and fashionable.

3. Taking pictures on Photobooth is awesome. I don't know how, but it makes everyone look significantly more attractive than any other camera.

4. Not to imply that I look particularly attractive in this picture, because that is clearly false. But, in general, macbook pics = hot stuff.

5. These sunglasses were particularly appropriate because my friends and I have lately become obsessed with performing citizen's arrests (obviously) and these sunglasses were clearly designed for that purpose. How could a hardened local criminal NOT fall asunder to my sneering face in those bad boys?

I've got my philosophy.

this picture makes my heart full. i love the world!

Got to get you into my life.

For this reason I kneel before the father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And i pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure with all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:14-19

That may very well be my favorite piece of scripture ever. I recognize the boldness of this statement. But I think it's true. Hence, blog URL.

I know I'm not alone.

"I want you to be weak. As weak as I am." - Milan Kundera

All mankind are now your brothers.

Things on my mind these days: the ridiculous, tiring, alcohol-soaked weekend I just had, how much work I have to do this week, that fact that I have a job interview tomorrow (WHAT?), how much I love poppyseed dressing, how tired I am, ethical concerns for using people in underdeveloped countries in research, cochlear implants, deaf culture, nematodes, rotifers, mollusks, melinda boisjolie, ice water, and how my life is a mess. It's sunday and that's lame.

i believe in miracles.

"I don't know why I was so surprised when the season changed. I do not know when it became difficult for me to look at the colors of October. I do not know when the reds and oranges became an oppression instead of an opportunity. All I know is that I am startled. I am becoming ill trying to return to summer. I am taken aback by the turn of the earth. And in my confusion I am unsteady, and in my unsteadiness I am fragile. It is the time of year to cling to something solid, and I have looked down and seen only dust beneath my feet, where bricks used to be. My jewels shatter in my palms though my touch is light, as if they can sense that sooner or later I will beak them. It is not the time of year for brokenness and yet I am clutching shards. Maybe next autumn I will have to avoid those things that are fragile. Fragile because they are unsteady, and unsteady because we are confused. Maybe next year my motion sickness will ease and I will spin with the earth, rather than pedaling backwards.

Really I'm just tired of breaking things. I just want something solid to hold onto, with all my might, something to wrap my hands around and know that I am safe. And this desire is made worse by the fact that I thought I had found my equator. I thought my exploration was done and I had found my center of origin, not the place I was born but the place from which my love could burst like fireworks. And there are only two explanations: that I was horribly, horribly wrong or perfectly right."

- my thoughts on October 26, 2009

Ash Wednesday ruminations!

hey world, what do you say?

come, come, whoever you are.

• Even if you lose yourself in wrath
  for a hundred thousand years,
  at the end you will discover,
  it is me, who is the culmination of your dreams.

• Didn't I tell you
  not to be satisfied with the veil of this world?
  I am the master illusionist,
  it is me, who is the welcoming banner at the gate of your contentment.

• Didn't I tell you?
  I am an ocean, you are a fish;
  do not go to the dry land,
  it is me, who is your comforting body of water.

• Didn't I tell you?
  They will accuse you of all the wrongdoings,
  they will call you ugly names,
  they will make you forget
  it is me, who is the source of your happiness.
• -Rumi

beauty, freedom, truth and love.

I just want to claim for myself all things that are beautiful

can you love some more?

I'll take one step closer to you.

"everyone deserves music." - michael franti.

so, I haven't updated because I don't know what to say about my life right now. It is tumultuous and weird and wacky and awesome and heartbreaking. Tumultuous because my outlook keeps changing like the weather, weird because I'm drinking low calorie gatorade and that goes against everything I know about life, wacky because my friends are awesome and we do things like wear bandannas all night, dance to old school P!nk, and wear lingerie around our house. Awesome because I love school SO MUCH and I'm having such a crazily academically challenging and beautiful semester. Heartbreaking because I feel like a moral failure of a person. I am just simultaneously so happy and so sad.